Have you heard of the term Matrescence before?
Me neither.
But have you heard of Adolescence? I've not only heard the term—I vividly remember living it. My nickname for years was Kevin!
So when I learned that Matrescence was like Adolescence, it was a pure aha moment.
In very simple terms, Matrescence relates to the physical, psychological, and emotional changes that women go through when becoming a mum.
What Is Matrescence?
The term Matrescence was first introduced in the 1970s but was revived in 2015 by Aurelie Athan, Ph.D. It describes the profound transition women experience when becoming mothers, much like how Adolescence describes the journey of becoming an adult.
Just think for a moment about how we'd view teenagers if the term Adolescence didn’t exist. Without it, we might dismiss their struggles as "kids acting crazy." But understanding Adolescence allows us to recognise the significant physical, emotional, and psychological changes they’re going through.
The same goes for mums. Whether you've carried and birthed a baby or adopted, the changes to your life are immense. And yet, much of what we hear focuses on postnatal depression.
Why Matrescence Matters
Without a framework like Matrescence, many women are left questioning themselves:
Why is this so hard?
Why am I not enjoying every moment?
Is something wrong with me if I don’t feel “perfect”?
The truth is, most mums face struggles. In her 2019 article, Matrescence: The Emerging Mother, Athan highlights that the psychological shift to motherhood is often misunderstood. Instead of forcing mums into a binary of “loving it” or “hating it,” Matrescence provides a more nuanced understanding of what’s really going on.
My Journey with Matrescence
For me, discovering this concept has been incredibly comforting. I love being a mum, but I also find it super hard at times.
I frequently feel like I haven’t got my sh** together, worry I’m not doing the best by my daughter, and feel guilty when all I want is some alone time.
But here’s the thing:
These feelings don’t mean we don’t love our children.
They don’t make us bad mums.
And they don’t mean we’re suffering from depression.
They simply mean that motherhood is hard work.
Empowering Mums: It’s OK to Feel This Way
It’s time to normalise these feelings and stop judging ourselves so harshly. Here’s how you can use the concept of Matrescence to empower yourself:
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Recognise that your emotions—whether joy, frustration, or guilt—are normal.
Remember, it’s possible to love your children deeply while also finding the experience overwhelming.
Reframe Your Expectations
You don’t need to have it all figured out. Just as teenagers stumble through Adolescence, you’re allowed to stumble through Matrescence.
Progress, not perfection, is the goal.
Build Your Support Network
Speak to other mums about their experiences. You’ll likely find they feel the same.
Seek out communities or groups that openly discuss Matrescence and the challenges of motherhood.
Prioritise Self-Care
Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential.
Whether it’s a quiet walk, a coffee with a friend, or a nap, small acts of self-care can rejuvenate you.
Embrace Growth
As Athan says, “becoming a mother is both stressful and growth-producing.” These challenges can help you develop resilience, patience, and self-awareness.
Normalising the Experience
So the next time you want to cry for no reason, get frustrated because you can’t remember your PIN number, or feel guilty for wanting to go to bed at two in the afternoon—just think back to how you felt as a teen.
You’re not alone, and you’re not failing. You’re growing, evolving, and adapting. That’s what Matrescence is all about.
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