Asking for help can feel like admitting defeat or a sign of weakness - when in reality it's the opposite. Asking for help takes courage and is incredibly brave.
When I found out I was pregnant, one of my first thoughts was - I pray I don't have morning sickness or any of the other symptoms that affect so many expectant mothers. The thought of working while feeling constantly unwell terrified me. Maybe the worry came from witnessing the struggles of many professional women in the past.
Thankfully, my pregnancy was relatively straightforward. I avoided morning sickness, and in the first trimester, my main challenge was trying to keep my eyes open during afternoon Zoom calls!
As I reflect on the pregnancy journey, I think about the women I've worked with, as well as my sister and best friend, who all had their different struggles that they powered through like superheroes. Some challenges were confined to the first trimester, some endured all nine months, and for others, it was the journey leading up to pregnancy that took incredible strength.
Whatever path your pregnancy journey takes, it's likely you'll need support at some point, from both your loved ones and your employer. Making sure you ask for the workplace accommodations you need when you first need them is essential.
Asking comes more easily to some than others, and many of us (myself included) seem to attach a negative connotation to asking. But as the famous saying goes - "if you don't ask, you don't get."
For anyone who is currently pregnant, going through fertility treatments or adoption, or planning their parenting journey, I hope these tips on how to effectively ask for support and understand your workplace rights will be helpful.
Tips for Advocating for Yourself (and Communicating What You Really Need)...
Quick note: I've added "and communicating what you really need" because I often ask for help without asking for what I actually need! My close friends often tease me for apologising too much... and they're right! Whenever I've asked for help, I feel compelled to apologise for any potential inconvenience, which then leads me to downplay what I really need. When I've asked for support in the past, I've only communicated half of what I actually needed - for fear of causing too much inconvenience or hearing NO.
The funny thing is, I do this before the person I'm asking has even had a chance to respond. They may well have said YES without hesitation all along.
The "Black Box" PrincipleÂ
C.J. Hayden discusses the Black Box Principle in her book, "Get Clients Now!" While Hayden's principle relates to processes and planning, I believe it works equally well when asking for pregnancy-related accommodations.
If, like me, you start thinking of all the possible responses you'll get - usually pointing to some form of rejection or disapproval - which results in you not fully communicating your needs, or worse... saying nothing at all - then put all those potential scenarios in a "black box" and forget about them.
Don't let what you THINK stop you from communicating what you NEED!
Practical Tips for Workplace Discussions Here are the strategies that have helped me overcome my fear of asking...
Use the "Black Box" Principle - silencing the "what-ifs" allows you to better communicate your genuine needs.
Schedule a dedicated meeting with your manager, rather than catching them on the fly when they're getting coffee or rushing to another meeting.
Booking a meeting allows you preparation time and gives your manager notice. No one likes to be put on the spot, so you're much more likely to get a positive response with a planned discussion. It also provides you both with adequate time to speak, so the conversation isn't rushed or interrupted.
Make notes! Document everything you need. When nervous, it's easy to forget key points.
If you're particularly anxious about asking for help in person, email your manager to request a meeting and outline what you'd like to discuss. This ensures all your points are communicated and gives your manager time to research your requests before meeting.
Keep emotions in check. Depending on the situation, you may feel emotionally invested in your request... and when it concerns your pregnancy or adoption and the wellbeing of you and your baby, that's completely understandable.
I don't believe in suppressing emotions. We're all human, and when something means so much to us, we shouldn't bottle it up! However, when emotions take over, we can lose clarity and effective communication suffers. Communicate your needs clearly and listen without interruption to your manager's response.
Understanding Available SupportÂ
Communicating your needs is essential to your wellbeing, regardless of circumstances. Remember, when you're expecting, you're advocating for TWO. Your employer has legal obligations to ensure you can effectively manage your work while pregnant and must offer appropriate support where available, including making reasonable adjustments to your role where suitable.
Key Support Options Available:
Pregnancy Risk Assessment When you inform your employer of your pregnancy, they should arrange risk assessments throughout different stages of your pregnancy. This presents an excellent opportunity to identify where workplace adjustments might be needed.
Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) Most companies offer an EAP with comprehensive support, including:
Free confidential counselling
Financial advice
Health checks
Wellness resources and podcasts Contact your HR department for specific details about your company's program.
Flexible Working All employees have the right from day one of employment to submit flexible working requests, with up to two requests permitted annually. A modified work schedule might help support you through your pregnancy. Your employer may also consider temporary flexible arrangements during your pregnancy that don't affect your role upon return from maternity leave.
Peer Support Connect with colleagues who are parents or have recently returned from parental leave. Having someone to share experiences with and offer advice can make a significant difference.
Additional SupportÂ
Your employer may offer additional support options, so be sure to explore all available resources. Remember - communication is key. Your employer often can't address challenges they don't know about. By effectively communicating your situation, they can work on implementing appropriate support measures.
Need Additional Support? If you're pregnant and experiencing workplace challenges, please reach out for a free 30-minute support call - email: lauren-faye@sanctuary-tribe.com
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